good morning moment

Just here thinking about you, in the most loving sense of the phrase. And I want to tell you what I'm thinking about.

I'm just here, laying in bed, wishing you were here, and I could just run my fingers through your hair, caress your cheek, hold you, feel you, softly kiss your sleeping lips. And just lovingly look at you in my little moment of loving you. And you would only know the tip of this iceberg of emotions when you wake up and saw me smiling and looking at you, not knowing everything else you were to me when you were sleeping.

Our love still runs deeper than anything I've ever felt in my life. And these last few days, and these last few years, has been proof of that. In the way we talk (even if you're trying your hardest to deny it), I still hear it in your voice. The way you still message me, eager to tell me about your days, because you know I'm always listening to you with my full attention when we do. And in the way we make love, when you're telling me how much you love me, because you feel safe, and secured, and so well cared for when my body is wrapped protectively around yours in an intense closeness..

I won't lie, I still think about the future with you. I still don't think the story ends here. And while we're still writing, let me dream of my beautiful future with you in it. Just let me. Just let us.

The idea of a little me inside you. With your eyes, your smile I always fall for. No matter how much she would pull as hard as she ever could on her daddy's heartstrings, it's a heart that's ready to take my little girl on. I've had so much practice with her mommy. I also can't think of a Landon without us together as his mommy and daddy. I can't think of anyone else loving your mommy and daddy the way I do, and taking you back home to them.

My love has always had your best interests. It's never deceived you, or tried to lead you wrong. It's something you fell into because you know that it was a big safety net to always catch you on. You learned to trust in beautiful things inside my love. You learned to find strength with me always having your back to pick you up and push you forward. You learned that you could share your sensitive side at the end of a long day, because I'd be there, ready to love and take care of you in our home you came home to. This is what loving you is like to me. And it was the greatest choice I made choosing you to love.

You're sleeping now, and this would be me, holding you and whispering this all in your ear, cupping your face gently in my hands, and hoping that your dreaming of me and dream me is saying all of this to you. You're perfect. You're wonderful. You're everything I need in my life, and useful to me beyond all measure because you have an infinite amount of love stored for me to access.

You're loving and beautiful. And you are so mine still, beautiful baby. 

Sweet morning, my sunrise. :* <3 Good morning, my R____ baby.

the business I built with you in mind

You don't know much about what I've been building. Just that I have a business I'm building. And it means a lot to me, because it has a lot of meaning of you in it.

Let me tell you a few things about it all. Because without you, this wouldn't have existed in the first place.

But first let me say, that I'm writing all these things because you don't need the words right now, but I want to say them. So I'm writing, hoping that future you will be ready to read them in time.

It's called Team Built Tees. I started building this because...I wanted to secure my future with you for the financial part. 

I wanted to have the option to take more vacations with you around the world. I wanted to be on the beach in Hawaii with you. Have coffee in Paris. Bundle up and watch the northern lights. Eat delicious food with you. It took me a while, but the thought of travelling anywhere in the world with you after being apart for so long finally made sense. And I wanted it more than anything else. So if I have to work my absolute hardest to make this business work because it opens up all the opportunities for our future dreams, I will do it.

I wanted to be able to afford our dream home. Throughout our relationship, it's always been a struggle of compromises. If there's one thing I was tired about us, it was compromising the moments when I couldn't reach you, or take care of you in the sweetest physical sense..

Or give you the world..

I'm tired of letting things just be. I didn't want to worry about money anymore. Because I beleive that I have an idea that is worth value to the world. And that I can build it, to return value back to us. It was my idea of creating the door to everything we wanted in life.

There's nothing more I wanted to give you than everything you would need in the world.

I was really doing this in dedication to the life I wanted with you. I realized that I was ready to take it on with you. You meant the world to me. So I racked my brain, and Team Built Tees came to exist.

It's a T-shirt company. Focused on creating tees for teams and communities. For people that come together for a greater cause. A fun run, a community event, a charitable cause. Anything that involves teams building something great, I wanted to aim to be a part of that by uniting them through the brand they wear together.

It's something that I believe needs to exist in the world. This business needs to be built, and I know I'm the one to create it if anything for those communities to stand together. It became about creating value in the world.

And the only reason it came to exist is because of you. Because I knew I couldn't build something that didn't involve giving back to the world. You were always charitable and that rubbed off on me too.

I can never lie to you when I have the best intentions. This is a business that was never to be greedy, or cause any harm to the world. You know how sick I am of businesses and organization that have a hidden, malicious intent. That aren't genuine behind the scenes. If anything bad came from this business, it would be as if I did something bad in your name.

So it's not going to be. It's always going to aim to create value for the world. To be something that exists to leave it better than before. It started with the best intention that it was going to be something I made that you would be proud of. Even though it's not made for you, but for the world that you have high hopes for. 

You always wanted to change the world for the better. And through you loving me. Through love that we had, you inspired me to do so as well. Our love was always felt past just us. 

The "I love you" Journal

This is for you. You know who you are, because you're the only one who this is all going to make perfect sense to. 

This is everything about me and you. This is everything from me to you. And no matter what happens, the words in here are going to be forever and eternal. Because you are to me.

This blog, these words, will always guide you back to who you are. Because I believe more than anything, that who you are is the person that I've always loved. And sometimes, life makes you lose that person I know and love.

So this blog needs to exist, for you and for me. 

This is the "I love you" journal. It's here for you and it starts today, but you won't see it for a while. It needs to grow first. So when you come here, start here, and work your way through.

And at this very moment, I love you so incredibly much. And this is the journal to prove it.